


The Bust Busting

by virdant



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Humor, Jedi, Jedi Culture, Jedi Culture Respected, Troll Grandpa Yoda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26504812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virdant/pseuds/virdant
Summary: Everybody knows that when a Jedi Master leaves the order, a bust of them is placed in the library.But what happens if they come back?
Relationships: Dooku & Yoda (Star Wars)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 268
Collections: The Temple Archives





	The Bust Busting

**Author's Note:**

> you know how sometimes you're having a perfectly good conversation about how the jedi order respects those who leave their order, and even makes busts of them and puts them in places of honor in their library, and your crack brain goes: "but what happens when a jedi master comes BACK? what happens to the bust then?"
> 
> just me? okay.

“Make up your mind, you should.”

Dooku sighed in response, “You didn’t have to get a bust made so _quickly_.”

“Tradition, it is.”

“If just you waited a while,” he replied, archly, “we wouldn’t have to do this so often.”

“And deprive the younglings? Cruel, you’ve become after leaving the Order.”

“It’s hardly cruelty,” he protested. “More practicality.”

Yoda harrumphed. He nodded to the courtyard. “Summoning you, they are.”

“Must I?”

“Jedi or not, are you?”

* * *

When a Jedi Master left the order, a bust was commissioned for the library. The Lost, they were called: the masters who left the order and took their wisdom with them. The busts were erected in memory of all that they gave to the order and the galaxy, kept in the library as a reminder of all of their wisdom and knowledge.

But when a Jedi came back—

It was called the Bust Busting, and it was a whole-temple event.

Something had to be done with the bust after all, now that it no longer had a place among the Lost. And there was no reason to find a place to store them, to fill storerooms with bronze and plaster so they could gather dust. So when a jedi master returned, their bust was removed from the library and brought to the Room of a Thousand Fountains.

And smashed into pieces.

The returned master had the honor of destroying their bust personally, of course. It was their bust, made in their image, formed to represent the sum of their knowledge that they had taken with them.

And that was why Dooku was now standing in the Room of a Thousand Fountains, crude bludgeon in one hand, facing a bust of himself, crowds of raucous younglings cheering him on from the sidelines.

* * *

Dooku hadn’t meant to leave the Order, that first time. He’d brought up some concerns, Master Yoda had nodded seriously, he’d left on what he thought was a sabbatical, and came back to a bust of himself in the library.

“What is this?”

“Your bust,” Jocasta New said, extremely unimpressed. “What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t leave the order!”

“According to the Archives you did.”

“Who filed that?”

“Master Yoda.”

“That troll,” Dooku grumbled. In retrospect, he supposed the discussion could have been interpreted as an argument, and could have been construed as him leaving the Order. But still. “Well I didn’t leave the Order, I took a sabbatical.”

“You’ll have to tell Master Yoda that?”

“I can’t get you to undo it?”

“A member of the Council put in the change, a member of the Council gets to undo it.” She said. And then, “Also, you have a bust. And if you’re coming back, then that calls for a Bust Busting.”

* * *

It was a ceremonious Bust Busting. Dooku bludgeoned the bust, the younglings cheered, and everything went back to normal.

And then Dooku went on an extended mission and his communications were blocked for a month.

When he got back, Master Yoda looked very surprised, and there was another bust of himself in the library.

“I was on a mission!” he protested.

“Dropped out of contact, you did.”

“My ship was destroyed,” Dooku explained, exasperated. “And my commlink got lost.”

“Left a message, you could have.”

“How?”

“Resourceful, a Jedi is.”

Dooku had years of experience arguing with Master Yoda, so he changed the subject. “Why would you even think that I’d left? I already came back once.”

Yoda was, unfortunately, also very good at arguing with him. “Dissatisfied, you are. Left once, already, you have.”

“I didn’t actually leave! It was a sabbatical,” he protested.

Nonetheless, the Archives were updated, Dooku broke another bust of himself, and that was that.

* * *

That was not that.

Every time a mission took longer than usual, Dooku came back to another bust of himself and Yoda’s ears perked up in delight. He smashed after bust of himself to the cheers of younglings, who never seemed bothered that he’d gotten another bust commissioned of himself, only to bust it to pompous fanfare.

“Have you considered not commissioning a bust of me so quickly?” Dooku asked Yoda over tea, after returning from an extended mission to yet another bust of himself erected in the library. 

“My Padawan, you were,” Yoda retorted. “All due ceremony, you are owed.”

“I haven’t even left the Order.”

“Left the Order many times, you have, according to the Archives,” Yoda replied.

Dooku’s cheeks strained as he kept his glare in check. “I didn’t leave the Order any of those times.”

“Accusing Master Nu of incorrect information in her Archives, are you?”

Dooku might have many years of experience arguing with Master Yoda, but Yoda had many more years of experience debating impressionable younglings, padawans, and even Knights and Masters.

Dooku sniffed and conceded, “When is this ceremony being held?”

* * *

Dooku held the bludgeon with one hand and eyed the bust of himself. As far as busts go, it was a remarkable facsimile. After so many attempts, the artisans of the temple had gotten models of himself down to an artform, and the bust was far more lifelike than the first one that Master Yoda’d commissioned.

Around him, the younglings whispered in hushed anticipation. There were more than a few Knights and Masters lingering with eager-eyed anticipation. 

With a sigh, Dooku stepped up to the bust and swung.

It shattered with a bang, and from its hollowed-out crevasse poured brightly wrapped candies.

The younglings cheered in delight. The Knights and Masters oohed. And Dooku turned to Master Yoda with a twitch in his eye.

“Dissappoint the younglings, I couldn’t.”

“You put candy in my bust.”

“Thought you were due to return soon, I did.”

“What if I didn’t return?”

“And leave the Jedi for good?” Yoda sniffed. “Planning on leaving the Order, I knew you were.”

Dooku took a deep fortifying breath. “For the last time, Master Yoda, I am not leaving the Order. Please stop making busts of me.”

And Master Dooku of the Jedi Order remained, for many many years, and all was well.

**Author's Note:**

>   * Follow me on twitter [@virdant](http://virdant.twitter.com)
>   * [Like & retweet on twitter]()
>   * Comment and kudo below
> 



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